Facial Hair
by Magic Cabbage
Summary: This story will make you laugh, cry... and love.  Not really, but hopefully it will make you laugh :  When Arthur suddenly grows facial hair one morning, how will he and Merlin get rid of it? And who is Diablo the Mustache? Find out in: Facial Hair!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. I wish I did though…**

**Hey people! This is based off a short drabble I did, and a conversation I had with the awesome person known as Cennamace. You should check out her stories. They're much better than mine. Seriously.**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy this :D Review please!**

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><p>Many years ago, before Uther hated magic (yes, such a time existed), Uther had a beard. He always tried to keep it neatly trimmed, but it never seemed to stay the way he wanted it. Beards are uncooperative like that. The royal groomer tried to cut off his beard, but it always grew back so quickly.<p>

"Sire, it is impossible. I can't get rid of your beard."

"Then we need to use magic to rid myself of this facial hair." Uther declared. You see, he was perfectly fine with relying on magic at this point of his life.

So Uther went to Gaius, and asked politely (demanded) for him to get rid of his beard. The court physician asked why he wanted to rid himself of his facial hair.

"Because it looks messy and unbecoming of a king." Uther replied.

Gaius agreed to cast a spell to get rid of Uther's short beard.

"_Cael gwared o eiddo barf forever , a unrhyw chan eiddo descendent" _he chanted, and any stuble or facial hair the king had disappeared.

"As long as I'm alive sire, unwanted facial hair will never grow on your face again. Also, if you have a heir, they won't have unwanted facial hair either."

"Good job Gaius! I am grateful, and I'm sure my future heir will be grateful too."

**(lalala)**

Uther was dead.

He had finally been killed by a sorcerer, while Merlin and Arthur were out hunting. Arthur acted strong, but Merlin saw the prince quietly crying when he thought no one was watching. Many people paid their respects and mourned, but some, including Merlin, couldn't help but be secretly relieved. The people had grown tired of the man's hatred of magic. Most people had lost friends or loved ones in the great purge. They did think that Uther had been a fairly good king though. He cared for his people, and had done his best to protect the kingdom.

Gaius died a few months after Uther's death. He was an old man, and had lived a long time. One day, he just never woke up. Merlin hoped he had gone peacefully. Many people had been healed by Gaius, and many cried over his death. To Merlin, he had seemed like the person who would never die. He was the person that you could always go to and ask for help or advice, and he'd be more than happy to give it. When Gaius died, it was Merlin's turn to cry when he thought no one was watching,

Arthur became king, but he didn't restore magic to the kingdom yet. His father had been killed by it. He didn't hate it that much, but he wasn't sure if he wanted it to be allowed yet. Merlin kept encouraging him to allow magic, but Arthur still wasn't sure….

**(lalala)**

Arthur had a beard.

He did not want a beard.

He was wondering why he had a beard now, since he had never had one before.

"MERLIN!" the King hollered, calling his friend.

The young warlock soon came stumbling into the room. "What?" He asked.

"I have a beard!"

"Yes you do sire. You also have a nose, and eyes, and hair, and…"

"Shut up. I've never had a beard before. Gaius used to make a potion for my father and I that removed facial hair."

"I've never heard of a potion that could do that." Merlin said.

"Well he made one!" Arthur insisted.

"Why don't we ask the royal groomer about it?" Merlin suggested.

"What would he know about potions?"

"Well maybe Gaius told him how to make it or something."

"It's worth a try." Arthur said, and the two left and ran to find the royal groomer.

The royal groomer's name was Christopher. He had beautifully conditioned locks (not as good as Gwaine's) and a little curled mustache named Diablo. He enjoyed playing with the curls on his mustache, though his wife said it made him look like some sort of villain, and that it was unhealthy to name your mustache. Christopher didn't care what his wife thought about him and Diablo though.

He wasn't very busy during the day, so today during his free time he was just sitting in his chambers reading a book. He certainly hadn't expected the King and his mysterious manservant to burst through the doors and start rambling about facial hair and soup and Gaius.

"Sire, please start from the beginning."

"Well I woke up this morning, and I had facial hair!"

"That's perfectly normal for a man your age, sire. I suppose you are a late bloomer though…"

"No, I mean Gaius would give me some potion, to get rid of any facial hair." Arthur explained. "I was hoping you would know how to make it."

"Why would Gaius need to give you a potion, when he already cast a spell so you wouldn't have facial hair?" Christopher realized what he said too late.

"….What?"

Christopher decided there was no point in lying about it now. "Well you see sire, before the Great Purge, Uther had asked Gaius to cast a spell preventing unwanted facial hair on him or his heir. He said his stubble was unbecoming of a king or something. After the Great Purge, Uther didn't want to undo the spell because undoing the spell would involve magic, so he just left it as is. But the spell would only last for the time Gaius was alive. I suppose it has worn off now." He explained.

"Then why would Gaius give me a potion?" Arthur asked.

Merlin, who had been quiet for some reason up until now, decided to speak. "Well maybe Uther asked him to so you or anyone else wouldn't be suspicious of magic."

"That's probably the case." Christopher agreed.

"My father, the guy who hated magic with every fiber of his being, had a spell cast on him?" Arthur asked. He couldn't believe this.

"Yeah."

"So now I need a sorcerer to cast that spell again, or I'll be cursed with unwanted facial hair the rest of my life?"

"I'm afraid so sire." Christopher said grimly.

"Thank you for your help. Merlin let's go."

The king and his manservant stepped out side and closed the door.

"Merlin what am I going to do? And where will I find a sorcerer that doesn't hate me?"

Merlin cleared his throat loudly. "Well, um sire, actually I think I know one."

"Who?"

"Me." Merlin said in a small voice.

The two stared at each other for a while.

Arthur was hurt, amazed, angry, relieved, and a few other hundred emotions. So he just stood there, with a stupid, shocked expression on his face.

He figured he should deal with all these emotions later, and decided to deal with the facial hair problem at the moment. "So can you get rid of it?"

Merlin, who had expected some yelling and throwing of objects, didn't expect Arthur to take the news calmly. "Oh um, yeah."

"Then do it." Arthur ordered.

"okay." Merlin agreed. But then he realized something.

"What is it Merlin? I still have a beard." Arthur said.

"Yes well, what do I get if I get rid of your beard? How do I know you won't have me executed right after this?"

"Um-"

"How about you lift the ban on magic first, THEN I'll get rid of your facial hair." Merlin told Arthur. "That way I won't be breaking any rules." He said with a big grin.

"I can't do that Merlin!"

"Then no magical shaving for you."

Arthur pondered it for a while. "Okay fine, but you won't ever harm Camelot, right?"

"Affirmative."

"And you'll protect Camelot from any magical threats?" the king asked.

"Yup!"

"Then I will lift the ban on magic, right after you get rid of this beard." Arthur declared.

"How do I know you'll keep your word?"Merlin questioned.

"I promise I will lift the ban on magic afterwards."

"Swear on Pudsey?"

"What?"

"Do you swear on Pudsey's life that you will lift the ban on magic after I get rid of your facial hair, and you won't have me executed?"

"Yes, I swear on Pudsey's life." Arthur solemnly said.

"Okay!" Merlin said. "Lemme just find the spell…" he said, pulling his magic book out of thin air, and began flipping through the pages.

"Let's see… _Cael gwared o eiddo barf forever, a unrhyw chan eiddo descendent!"_ He chanted, and like magic, the king's facial hair disappeared.

"Now go lift the ban on magic, you prat."

**(Several Months later)**

Magic had finally returned to Camelot. People were happy and no longer had to fear for their life if they wore a pointy hat or flew on broom sticks. Sorcerer's no longer tried to destroy Camelot or get revenge. Even if they wanted to, they'd get blown up by Merlin.

Merlin was no longer a lowly manservant. He was now the official Court Magical Wizard Person of Magicness. Arthur came up with the title himself.

Allen, the baker, made the bestest bread in all of Albion.

Christopher's wife couldn't stand his curly mustache any more, and they divorced. Soon after, Christopher became a mustache groomer for villains. Him and Diablo lived happily ever after.

And sorcerer's and magic users everywhere, came to Camelot to dance on Uther's grave.

Fin.

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><p><strong>So did you like it? Enough to review? Because reviews make me happy <strong>

**Also, Allen the baker was in another story thing of mine called Knight 37. You should go read it.**

**Hope you enjoyed :D**


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